Life is good. The love of my life is my best friend. When I am not so well he cares for me. He has taken over a lot of the cooking through my umpteenth cold.) Actually, even when I'm well...my friend cares for me!
I will start taking this new hormone drug when my cold subsides. An attached list of side effects is a bit daunting. Weighing the risks. Which would you prefer? Another bout of breast cancer or a stroke? I tried to explain to the oncologist that I don't want to go through this program again. I still worry about the damaged heart with the herceptin. The list of potential side effects for any medication is daunting. So I'm going to Las Vegas in my mind(Wheel of Fortune). I'm gambling that this hormone will keep me cancer free, and I will not have a stroke.
Life is good. My friend is my living guardian angel. My friends, family, and coworkers continue to check in on my well being and that caring keeps "Pink Tough."
Do you think about how loved you are? Probably not. But start. Each of us is so important to so many and I believe we forget that in the haste of living.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Giving Thanks
My heart is good. The herceptin drip can continue to eliminate any stray cancer cells. YEAH! I can have my port removed next June after my herceptin treatments are finished. YEAH! This means I can start wearing 45 pound backpacks to start training for the "big" climb in summer of 2011. Hip, Hip, Hooray!
On a more humorous note, when I said I had experienced rage and wanted to hurl my shoe against the wall, she chalked it up to "menopause." She said my exhaustion is probably a side effect of radiation. She suggested I wait until I feel better before taking the hormone pill I am to take for the next five years. More humor... a side effect of this pill is hot flashes. I might as well carry around an air conditioner.
Happy Thanksgiving! As I wade through this disease I give thanks every day for so many things. Some things I took for granted, but not too many. I know how lucky I am to be surrounded by such incredible people (I LOVE YOU), a job that pays more than $7.50 an hour, a roof over my head, and health insurance (as ridiculously expensive as it is). Sometimes we focus on what we don't have, and fail to appreciate what we do have.
We have so much to give thanks for every day.
There are no guarantees. We give thanks for what we have TODAY.
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things.
On a more humorous note, when I said I had experienced rage and wanted to hurl my shoe against the wall, she chalked it up to "menopause." She said my exhaustion is probably a side effect of radiation. She suggested I wait until I feel better before taking the hormone pill I am to take for the next five years. More humor... a side effect of this pill is hot flashes. I might as well carry around an air conditioner.
Happy Thanksgiving! As I wade through this disease I give thanks every day for so many things. Some things I took for granted, but not too many. I know how lucky I am to be surrounded by such incredible people (I LOVE YOU), a job that pays more than $7.50 an hour, a roof over my head, and health insurance (as ridiculously expensive as it is). Sometimes we focus on what we don't have, and fail to appreciate what we do have.
We have so much to give thanks for every day.
There are no guarantees. We give thanks for what we have TODAY.
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The "New " Study
How am I you ask? I won't know about my MUGA (heart) scan until Tuesday when I meet with the oncologist and have another dose of chemo. Three weeks goes awfully fast when you're not looking forward to something. I put up a good front, but I am tired and often feel ill. There are days when I wake up and feel great, like a "normal" human. Days that I use to take for granted. I mowed the front and back lawn last week. First time since the fall of 2008. It was a joyous event for me! Silly me...I was sure once I'd finished the worst of the chemo and radiation I'd be back to my ol' self. There are days I wish I didn't need to work, but I also know sitting home doing nothing won't make me feel any better. Might make me feel worse. Yikes!
Women don't need mammograms until they're fifty. All that radiation and fear may cause more damage. False positives make women endure things that they might not have had to. I am not fifty. My mammogram showed a spidery mass. The nurse didn't even wait till the biopsy was done to tell me I had breast cancer. She knew by the shape. There is not a history of breast cancer in my family. My last mammogram was billed at $863.00. Would I have payed out that amount if insurance didn't pay? I doubt it. It would never have occurred to me that I was at risk. This "team's" reasoning for waiting until fifty was that it saves only one life out of 1,904 women. That would be my life!
How am I you ask? I whine. I miss my hair and less porky body. I miss waking up and feeling good more days than not. I am glad I had a mammogram. I am angry about the "team's" recommendation and can only hope that insurance companies won't change covering mammograms before a woman is fifty.
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Women don't need mammograms until they're fifty. All that radiation and fear may cause more damage. False positives make women endure things that they might not have had to. I am not fifty. My mammogram showed a spidery mass. The nurse didn't even wait till the biopsy was done to tell me I had breast cancer. She knew by the shape. There is not a history of breast cancer in my family. My last mammogram was billed at $863.00. Would I have payed out that amount if insurance didn't pay? I doubt it. It would never have occurred to me that I was at risk. This "team's" reasoning for waiting until fifty was that it saves only one life out of 1,904 women. That would be my life!
How am I you ask? I whine. I miss my hair and less porky body. I miss waking up and feeling good more days than not. I am glad I had a mammogram. I am angry about the "team's" recommendation and can only hope that insurance companies won't change covering mammograms before a woman is fifty.
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The $1,000,000 Plan
I continue to be amazed by the medical community. My mother's doctor said it is "sick," and she worries about catastrophic illness.
Syndicated Columnist Nicholas Kristof states that U.S ranks 31st in life expectancy. 37th in infant mortality. Americans take 10% fewer drugs than citizens in other countries but pay 118% more per pill that they do take. We say we're the best, but we are behind Europe. Citizens in other countries get longer hospital stays and more medication than Americans do, because our insurance companies evict people from hospitals as soon as they stagger of bed.
I e-mailed my doctor and asked about getting my MUGA scan scheduled for the end of the month. "Could I please schedule it on the same day I see you and have chemo so I only have to take one day off of work?" All of a sudden it became imperative for them that I have it ASAP. What would have happened if I hadn't e-mailed? My chemo would be canceled until I could have it. Group Health confirmed that there are no appointment slots open in Tacoma until mid December. So I am now scheduled in Bellevue for this Monday.
Group Health has medical records on line. I'm actually getting freaked out about my $1,000,000 life time limit. The port put in was $10,000, the breast surgery $10,000, each big chemo $6,500, radiation $30,000...and so on. All the costs for physicals and colds, etc. that I've had for the last ten years are adding up.Once in awhile I check my record online for costs. My "little" chemos have ranged from $2,450 to $2,700. I wrote and asked, "Why the difference? They are the same chemical and same amount." They were quite quick to respond. "Our error. They should all be $2,700, but we'll be nice and keep our error at that cost and not change it on your billing."
My question is, if we become to ill to look after ourselves and be our own advocate, who will? Will the government plan stop covering people when they've used a $1,000,000? Will it cover pre-existing conditions? Will the new government health plan cure the system? Will it cure me? Will it cure you? Your loved ones?
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Syndicated Columnist Nicholas Kristof states that U.S ranks 31st in life expectancy. 37th in infant mortality. Americans take 10% fewer drugs than citizens in other countries but pay 118% more per pill that they do take. We say we're the best, but we are behind Europe. Citizens in other countries get longer hospital stays and more medication than Americans do, because our insurance companies evict people from hospitals as soon as they stagger of bed.
I e-mailed my doctor and asked about getting my MUGA scan scheduled for the end of the month. "Could I please schedule it on the same day I see you and have chemo so I only have to take one day off of work?" All of a sudden it became imperative for them that I have it ASAP. What would have happened if I hadn't e-mailed? My chemo would be canceled until I could have it. Group Health confirmed that there are no appointment slots open in Tacoma until mid December. So I am now scheduled in Bellevue for this Monday.
Group Health has medical records on line. I'm actually getting freaked out about my $1,000,000 life time limit. The port put in was $10,000, the breast surgery $10,000, each big chemo $6,500, radiation $30,000...and so on. All the costs for physicals and colds, etc. that I've had for the last ten years are adding up.Once in awhile I check my record online for costs. My "little" chemos have ranged from $2,450 to $2,700. I wrote and asked, "Why the difference? They are the same chemical and same amount." They were quite quick to respond. "Our error. They should all be $2,700, but we'll be nice and keep our error at that cost and not change it on your billing."
My question is, if we become to ill to look after ourselves and be our own advocate, who will? Will the government plan stop covering people when they've used a $1,000,000? Will it cover pre-existing conditions? Will the new government health plan cure the system? Will it cure me? Will it cure you? Your loved ones?
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Herceptin
You're done with radiation. What next? People thought I was done with the "whole program" once I finished radiation. WRONG! I continue to have Herceptin. I have had it with my other chemotherapy since June 2009.
Herceptin
What is it? A drug for breast cancer patients. What does it do? The drug attaches to cancer cells and tells the body's defense mechanism to target and destroy cancer cells. What are side effects? "Herceptin treatment can result in heart problems, including those without symptoms (reduced heart function) and those with symptoms (congestive heart failure). The most common side effects associated with Herceptin are fever, nausea, vomiting, infusion reactions, diarrhea, infections, increased cough, headache, fatigue, shortness of breath, rash, low white and red blood cells, and muscle pain." How often do I have it administered? Every three weeks.
Side effects of this have been minimal compared to the summer chemotherapy, but it comes with risks and does discombobulate me physically and emotionally(fatigue). I have compared the after effects to being hormonal. I cry easily right after a treatment. If someone looks at me kindly or does an act of kindness I cry. A few weeks ago I tripped over a shoe and wanted to hurl it against a wall. I hope no one flips me off when I'm driving. They don't say anything about being emotional in the literature. After losing a step father, sister, and two dogs within a six month period of time I stopped crying.
Is Herceptin alone to blame, or am I starting to feel again?
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Herceptin
What is it? A drug for breast cancer patients. What does it do? The drug attaches to cancer cells and tells the body's defense mechanism to target and destroy cancer cells. What are side effects? "Herceptin treatment can result in heart problems, including those without symptoms (reduced heart function) and those with symptoms (congestive heart failure). The most common side effects associated with Herceptin are fever, nausea, vomiting, infusion reactions, diarrhea, infections, increased cough, headache, fatigue, shortness of breath, rash, low white and red blood cells, and muscle pain." How often do I have it administered? Every three weeks.
Side effects of this have been minimal compared to the summer chemotherapy, but it comes with risks and does discombobulate me physically and emotionally(fatigue). I have compared the after effects to being hormonal. I cry easily right after a treatment. If someone looks at me kindly or does an act of kindness I cry. A few weeks ago I tripped over a shoe and wanted to hurl it against a wall. I hope no one flips me off when I'm driving. They don't say anything about being emotional in the literature. After losing a step father, sister, and two dogs within a six month period of time I stopped crying.
Is Herceptin alone to blame, or am I starting to feel again?
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, October 29, 2009
What's Your Prognosis?
"What's your prognosis?" I am frequently asked this question. I know it is asked with caring, but I haven't an answer.
Let's get serious. In a perfect world I will be healed, in a less perfect world things may go wrong. Do I know? NO! Do the doctors know? NO! Does cancer follow rules? NO!
A scan today may be clean. A scan down the road may not. That is why my significant others and I take one day at a time. It is why I encourage you and your significant others to do the same. Enjoy! None of us know what tomorrow will bring.
Relish, love and live for today.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Let's get serious. In a perfect world I will be healed, in a less perfect world things may go wrong. Do I know? NO! Do the doctors know? NO! Does cancer follow rules? NO!
A scan today may be clean. A scan down the road may not. That is why my significant others and I take one day at a time. It is why I encourage you and your significant others to do the same. Enjoy! None of us know what tomorrow will bring.
Relish, love and live for today.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Light in the Cave
The body heals, and it feels soooo good. There is light in the "cave." I am eating lots of protein to assist my body in replacing damaged cells. Both infections are almost totally healed. We are going on walks after school enjoying fall and not having to zip over to Tacoma to be zapped. We are not up to our four miles, but we're moving.
When I showed up at my last radiation session I had many cards to give to the gal going through lung/brain radiation. I had little notes on the envelopes like "Open after next radiation," all the cards were marked to get her through her last chemotherapy session. I hope she got them and unlike some people I know I hope she didn't open them all in one quick sitting! More than anything I hope they make her smile and keep her strong.
Slowly Paul and I emerge from "our cave". Someone whose brother is going through cancer said she can't seem to get through. Her brother and his wife are in a cave only big enough for two. How well Paul and I understand those words. We needed to lock ourselves away to focus on health, healing, wellness (mental and physical), and recovery. The cancer shock is a two by four that knocks you out for a time. Think of the cartoons of the character with little birds flying above the head. We are slowly emerging from our cave, reaching out to people we didn't have room for in our cave.
We hope they will understand and celebrate our emerging from the cave. While we don't know if future events will force us back into the cave or if we are emerging never to return to the darkness - we are happy to see some light.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
When I showed up at my last radiation session I had many cards to give to the gal going through lung/brain radiation. I had little notes on the envelopes like "Open after next radiation," all the cards were marked to get her through her last chemotherapy session. I hope she got them and unlike some people I know I hope she didn't open them all in one quick sitting! More than anything I hope they make her smile and keep her strong.
Slowly Paul and I emerge from "our cave". Someone whose brother is going through cancer said she can't seem to get through. Her brother and his wife are in a cave only big enough for two. How well Paul and I understand those words. We needed to lock ourselves away to focus on health, healing, wellness (mental and physical), and recovery. The cancer shock is a two by four that knocks you out for a time. Think of the cartoons of the character with little birds flying above the head. We are slowly emerging from our cave, reaching out to people we didn't have room for in our cave.
We hope they will understand and celebrate our emerging from the cave. While we don't know if future events will force us back into the cave or if we are emerging never to return to the darkness - we are happy to see some light.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Marathon
Somewhere I read of someone one else going through the cancer journey. She wanted to sprint through it and a wiser person told her it was a marathon. What wise words those are. I couldn't wait to be done with radiation, but here I am done and not healthy.
I couldn't wait to be done so we could resume our daily walking adventures. I can not breathe deep enough to walk a distance. I cannot carry on a conversation without coughing. A marathon. I so want to be finished with illness.
I want to be healthy, breathe deeply, have energy and have an immune system on full power. But I must focus about what I do have: life, insurance, food, job, spouse that I love and respect, friends, shelter, family . The way I see it is I am so far through this journey. I have finished the worst of chemo therapy. I have finished thirty-three days of burning radiation (the machine actually smoked last night). Yet I have a breast infection and lung infection which are slowing me down. I don't want to be slowed down.
I want to yell and scream and live life to its fullest. I want to climb Mr. Rainier. I want to wake up and feel GOOD.
I want good health.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
I couldn't wait to be done so we could resume our daily walking adventures. I can not breathe deep enough to walk a distance. I cannot carry on a conversation without coughing. A marathon. I so want to be finished with illness.
I want to be healthy, breathe deeply, have energy and have an immune system on full power. But I must focus about what I do have: life, insurance, food, job, spouse that I love and respect, friends, shelter, family . The way I see it is I am so far through this journey. I have finished the worst of chemo therapy. I have finished thirty-three days of burning radiation (the machine actually smoked last night). Yet I have a breast infection and lung infection which are slowing me down. I don't want to be slowed down.
I want to yell and scream and live life to its fullest. I want to climb Mr. Rainier. I want to wake up and feel GOOD.
I want good health.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Five To Go
Less than six months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had 82 grams removed from my breast. The cancer found its way into my lymph nodes. What a journey it has been. It seems like years. Learning how to dance in the storm rather than waiting for it to pass has been a priority. I am still learning how to dance.
Chemo this morning and radiation this evening. We went out for lunch after chemo now that I'm on the shortened, no big side effects chemicals. A nice lunch we had...so nice that dinner was not required this evening! We try to have some fun after each session and generally speaking we are usually quite successful.
Five days left of radiation. Today they started the radiation boost. This targets the area in the breast where the cancerous spots were removed rather than the whole breast. I have joked with a few people at work that if they see something pink on the ground they shouldn't step on it, and call me quickly. It's probably my nipple. Five more days and it might fall off! If all goes according to plan, next Thursday will be my last day. YEAH!!!
I was given some roses from the gal I have tried to support through this ordeal. She told me she had her second "big" chemo today and did okay. Her spirits were up. What a change in her from when we first met! The technician thanked me today. I asked, "For what?" He replied , "For being here for her."
All that strength, support, and cheering from you, enabled me to enable her. She too will learn how to dance in the storm.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Chemo this morning and radiation this evening. We went out for lunch after chemo now that I'm on the shortened, no big side effects chemicals. A nice lunch we had...so nice that dinner was not required this evening! We try to have some fun after each session and generally speaking we are usually quite successful.
Five days left of radiation. Today they started the radiation boost. This targets the area in the breast where the cancerous spots were removed rather than the whole breast. I have joked with a few people at work that if they see something pink on the ground they shouldn't step on it, and call me quickly. It's probably my nipple. Five more days and it might fall off! If all goes according to plan, next Thursday will be my last day. YEAH!!!
I was given some roses from the gal I have tried to support through this ordeal. She told me she had her second "big" chemo today and did okay. Her spirits were up. What a change in her from when we first met! The technician thanked me today. I asked, "For what?" He replied , "For being here for her."
All that strength, support, and cheering from you, enabled me to enable her. She too will learn how to dance in the storm.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Radiation Day 23
This week has been one of the hardest during this "ordeal". I'm not feeling tough this week.
The area under my arm and to the right of my breast is sunburned, my armpit is now peeling with miniature blisters. On a scale of pain from 1 to 10, probably a 3. Not painful...it just hurts. It wears on me. I am trying alternatives to bras as they just make a lousy situation more irritating.
Two people I encountered in the waiting room this week were "knocking on heaven's door". Conversation with the technicians confirmed that for some they just try to make their last days more comfortable.
The gal I have befriended had an infection in her hand from a simple scratch. She missed the last couple of days but was back today. She had shaved her head and was sappy when I asked from the dressing room if she did it in preparation of hair loss or if hair loss had already started. I took off my STRENGTH bracelet and told her to focus on it when she didn't feel strong. She left for her treatment. She came back, changed her clothes and left the area. Back within moments with a pen. "I want your phone number." I wrote it down and told her to call anytime. "Did you hear the two long beeps? They're frying my brain." She sobbed. I hugged her and said, "No, they're frying the cancer cells not your brain. The cancer has to go." She rambled a bit and then left.
Talking with my mom this morning I said Paul has encouraged me to stop reading the obituaries. Yes, people still die from breast cancer. I am tired. I hurt. I haven't wanted to take time from work. I love my job. I cry easily. This morning my mother asked about my sick leave. I still have lots, but I don't want to use it. Something bad might happen I told her.
"Take it! You're being miserly. This is something bad".
Something bad. Know I can beat it, but something bad has invaded my "turf".
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
I will sleep, I will focus on wellness, and I will give thanks for all of you.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
The area under my arm and to the right of my breast is sunburned, my armpit is now peeling with miniature blisters. On a scale of pain from 1 to 10, probably a 3. Not painful...it just hurts. It wears on me. I am trying alternatives to bras as they just make a lousy situation more irritating.
Two people I encountered in the waiting room this week were "knocking on heaven's door". Conversation with the technicians confirmed that for some they just try to make their last days more comfortable.
The gal I have befriended had an infection in her hand from a simple scratch. She missed the last couple of days but was back today. She had shaved her head and was sappy when I asked from the dressing room if she did it in preparation of hair loss or if hair loss had already started. I took off my STRENGTH bracelet and told her to focus on it when she didn't feel strong. She left for her treatment. She came back, changed her clothes and left the area. Back within moments with a pen. "I want your phone number." I wrote it down and told her to call anytime. "Did you hear the two long beeps? They're frying my brain." She sobbed. I hugged her and said, "No, they're frying the cancer cells not your brain. The cancer has to go." She rambled a bit and then left.
Talking with my mom this morning I said Paul has encouraged me to stop reading the obituaries. Yes, people still die from breast cancer. I am tired. I hurt. I haven't wanted to take time from work. I love my job. I cry easily. This morning my mother asked about my sick leave. I still have lots, but I don't want to use it. Something bad might happen I told her.
"Take it! You're being miserly. This is something bad".
Something bad. Know I can beat it, but something bad has invaded my "turf".
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
I will sleep, I will focus on wellness, and I will give thanks for all of you.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, September 24, 2009
When You Wake Up....Life is Good
YEAH ME!!! Monday I will be two-thirds finished with radiation. I have learned that the last five days will target the incision areas. The last two days they have drawn all over my breast with permanent marker so they will know where to have the machine target. I get nervous as every couple days it seems like I have different technicians administering my radiation. Some are precise about my placement under the machine...others don't care. Some are precise about the 9.5 centimeters across my chest...others don't care. Well I'm still alive and am starting to form some heavily sunburned areas so they must be doing something right!
I am getting to know all these people and they are getting to know me. I like that. I am the last patient of the day. I like to think this is a good thing. Done with me...done for the day. They know Paul and Tucker because when they walk out at the end of their day they see Paul and Tucker observing the people exiting the building, and they see Tucker's butt wiggling with joy. (Yes, they beat me out of the building after radiation.) I don't want to be just another breast cancer patient. Remember me for my spirit and good cheer. I want them to CARE! When I said that every day was a good day when you wake up in the morning they kind of stared at me.....HELLLLLOOOOO...life is good when you wake up. They both said they hadn't thought of that.
When you wake up it is a good day. Don't ever forget that!
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
I am getting to know all these people and they are getting to know me. I like that. I am the last patient of the day. I like to think this is a good thing. Done with me...done for the day. They know Paul and Tucker because when they walk out at the end of their day they see Paul and Tucker observing the people exiting the building, and they see Tucker's butt wiggling with joy. (Yes, they beat me out of the building after radiation.) I don't want to be just another breast cancer patient. Remember me for my spirit and good cheer. I want them to CARE! When I said that every day was a good day when you wake up in the morning they kind of stared at me.....HELLLLLOOOOO...life is good when you wake up. They both said they hadn't thought of that.
When you wake up it is a good day. Don't ever forget that!
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Drive Through Service
Today was a chemotherapy day in Tacoma at 11:00. Then back to Tacoma for radiation for my 5:15 appointment. Honestly...these treatments are minimal in side effects compared to the summer's toxic chemicals. One chemical instead of three. Not a cake walk by any means, but nothing like the summer's ordeal.
Generally I am holding up well working. I miss our walking which we really haven't done consistently since I was diagnosed in April. We aren't doing it now because of the radiation schedule, and I am feeling as worn as a favorite pair of jeans by the end of the day. When we get home from radiation that is when I let the "tired" consume me. The last two weekends I have slept in until 7:30. Unheard of in this house. Our weekends (once I get out of bed) have been busy making up for "lost" time in the summer. We've done some short hikes with Tucker and relished in the beauty of the scenery and fragrance of the alpine wilderness.
Yesterday in radiation the woman I spoke of last week was there. I handed her a bag of polished rocks and told her to choose one that felt good in her hand and to carry it with her at all times. I learned that she has lung cancer that has also formed a spot on her brain. They are radiating the lung daily and the brain intermittently. Scary? You bet. She chose a rock and then was called to go in. She took her rock with her. When she came out she said the machine ate her rock. She told the technicians she wasn't leaving without her rock (I am making her stronger already!). They had to move the machine to retrieve it. As she left she put her hand on my shoulder and thanked me. She was going to her first chemo today. Through two short sessions of talking with her, she is beginning to see hope.
You see, we have learned, to the medical community a patient is just another patient. Another patient that needs chemotherapy and radiation. They see it everyday. It is not new to them. It is terrifying, and they seem to have forgotten or have never known that. The literature given to me described severe potential side effects that could occur immediately. I expected someone would call to check on me after my first treatment. No one did. No one talks to you. No details. No sequence of events. No one tells you what to do to minimize effects. Patients need knowledge and a doctor that can take the time to know and speak to patients, in addition to medical treatment. Our medical system has become a very expensive drive through service...a $3.00 Starbucks or a $6,000 chemical martini.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Generally I am holding up well working. I miss our walking which we really haven't done consistently since I was diagnosed in April. We aren't doing it now because of the radiation schedule, and I am feeling as worn as a favorite pair of jeans by the end of the day. When we get home from radiation that is when I let the "tired" consume me. The last two weekends I have slept in until 7:30. Unheard of in this house. Our weekends (once I get out of bed) have been busy making up for "lost" time in the summer. We've done some short hikes with Tucker and relished in the beauty of the scenery and fragrance of the alpine wilderness.
Yesterday in radiation the woman I spoke of last week was there. I handed her a bag of polished rocks and told her to choose one that felt good in her hand and to carry it with her at all times. I learned that she has lung cancer that has also formed a spot on her brain. They are radiating the lung daily and the brain intermittently. Scary? You bet. She chose a rock and then was called to go in. She took her rock with her. When she came out she said the machine ate her rock. She told the technicians she wasn't leaving without her rock (I am making her stronger already!). They had to move the machine to retrieve it. As she left she put her hand on my shoulder and thanked me. She was going to her first chemo today. Through two short sessions of talking with her, she is beginning to see hope.
You see, we have learned, to the medical community a patient is just another patient. Another patient that needs chemotherapy and radiation. They see it everyday. It is not new to them. It is terrifying, and they seem to have forgotten or have never known that. The literature given to me described severe potential side effects that could occur immediately. I expected someone would call to check on me after my first treatment. No one did. No one talks to you. No details. No sequence of events. No one tells you what to do to minimize effects. Patients need knowledge and a doctor that can take the time to know and speak to patients, in addition to medical treatment. Our medical system has become a very expensive drive through service...a $3.00 Starbucks or a $6,000 chemical martini.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Pay It Forward
Tomorrow I will be one third of the way finished with radiation. (YEAH ME) Yes, we will celebrate that by going out to dinner after my session. I am eating vegetables and low calorie foods in an attempt to start shedding my newly gained pounds. My hair is growing...slowly. My eyelashes are thin, as well as my eyebrows. Do I care? Yes, but it is minimal. As Monica has pointed out (thank you) I am me, hair or no hair, fat or thin. I am me!
When I have been at radiation, I have been the only female. I hear the men gabbing in the men's room next door and have been thankful I have no company. Well that has changed in the last two days. Because the machine broke down yesterday the schedule was totally behind...and we're late again but in a different way. A woman who normally gets her treatment at 7:30 a.m. was there. A tad older than myself, she had no issues with chemo therapy, although her new crop of hair was coming in white. She gave me great tips about how to minimize breast burn. Another woman in the room was sobbing. We both let her be. The sobbing woman was there again today. She asked how long I'd been coming. She was three days in, and her total amount of days will be sixteen. When I told her I was in for thirty three she gasped. She was scheduled for chemo therapy but "melted" down and wouldn't have it done. I asked her, "Who do you have supporting you?" She said her boyfriend is an asshole, her daughter has five kids, and her son lives in California.
She has nobody. She looked at me and said, "You are strong."
Why am I strong? You...You...and You....
This is my time to pay it forward.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
When I have been at radiation, I have been the only female. I hear the men gabbing in the men's room next door and have been thankful I have no company. Well that has changed in the last two days. Because the machine broke down yesterday the schedule was totally behind...and we're late again but in a different way. A woman who normally gets her treatment at 7:30 a.m. was there. A tad older than myself, she had no issues with chemo therapy, although her new crop of hair was coming in white. She gave me great tips about how to minimize breast burn. Another woman in the room was sobbing. We both let her be. The sobbing woman was there again today. She asked how long I'd been coming. She was three days in, and her total amount of days will be sixteen. When I told her I was in for thirty three she gasped. She was scheduled for chemo therapy but "melted" down and wouldn't have it done. I asked her, "Who do you have supporting you?" She said her boyfriend is an asshole, her daughter has five kids, and her son lives in California.
She has nobody. She looked at me and said, "You are strong."
Why am I strong? You...You...and You....
This is my time to pay it forward.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Radiation
Another new experience....radiation. I have it Monday through Friday for 33 days. I have finished five days as of today. It takes more time to drive over and back again than the actual act of being radiated. Unfortunately, on many days they are behind schedule so that makes the hour and fifteen minute experience often turn into a two hour experience. It makes for long days, but I am not complaining. They have more patients than ever. Today I asked, "Is it because the medical profession is identifying more cancer or is the human race just more sick than it's ever been?" He laughed and didn't answer. Hmmmm ....
Want to know what it's like? I am horizontal on a steel bed that moves length wise, and up and down, with a special pillow made just for me, in a very dark room. The room is right out of a science fiction movie. A huge machine zooms in above my face. (Yesterday was the first day I kept my eyes open. I'm afraid it is going to smash into my face.) The technicians measure things...move me around (down to a centimeter) and leave the room. Zaaaap! The machine moves to my side, someone comes back in and changes something in the machine. Zaap! Someone comes in again, changes something, and then I get my final Zaaap! I'm done for that session! I started with 33 beads on a chain. After each session I remove a bead. I want a count down to having this "part" finished. Paul always drives, and now that we are back to work we take Tucker with us. Paul walks her while I'm being treated.
First day back to work with kids today. I was very worried about my endurance. I did great! The worst was my feet in medium high heels- they were killing me by lunch time! I truly am trying to "Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things," but the heels are going to have to go!
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Want to know what it's like? I am horizontal on a steel bed that moves length wise, and up and down, with a special pillow made just for me, in a very dark room. The room is right out of a science fiction movie. A huge machine zooms in above my face. (Yesterday was the first day I kept my eyes open. I'm afraid it is going to smash into my face.) The technicians measure things...move me around (down to a centimeter) and leave the room. Zaaaap! The machine moves to my side, someone comes back in and changes something in the machine. Zaap! Someone comes in again, changes something, and then I get my final Zaaap! I'm done for that session! I started with 33 beads on a chain. After each session I remove a bead. I want a count down to having this "part" finished. Paul always drives, and now that we are back to work we take Tucker with us. Paul walks her while I'm being treated.
First day back to work with kids today. I was very worried about my endurance. I did great! The worst was my feet in medium high heels- they were killing me by lunch time! I truly am trying to "Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things," but the heels are going to have to go!
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
What's Important?
Simple things become complex at times. They lost my MUGA scan results on Friday so I had to go back in on Monday. Yes...I'm sure my urine glowed after a double dose of radioactive juice. I couldn't have my next chemo until they had results of MUGA. It was a circle of idiocracy. My heart is less than it was three months ago, but still strong. So another dose was administered. Radiation was a test run today. In confidence to those who read, I am claustrophic. I am fine if I close my eyes and find my happy place (my happy place is our garden...get your mind out of the gutter). Good luck to those around me...I stink! No deodorant for seven weeks.....
My heart beats...my husband's heart beats...my son's heart beats...am thinking of Sonny and Cher "The Beat Goes On". I use to think a clean house was important (no I have not turned into a slob)...but what's really important is that the "beat goes on".
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
My heart beats...my husband's heart beats...my son's heart beats...am thinking of Sonny and Cher "The Beat Goes On". I use to think a clean house was important (no I have not turned into a slob)...but what's really important is that the "beat goes on".
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Time Flies
Time does fly quickly. It seems to me that just yesterday I was terrified of starting chemotherapy and already the worst is over (hopefully). I have adjusted to not having any hair, gaining a lot of weight, and feeling like yuck. In the grand scheme of life you must realize that these are small things. I love life...bald or hairy...thin or chunky..feeling like yuck or great. I love life. That's all there is to it.
I am thrilled to be working on preparing for the coming school year. Yes, I said "THRILLED". You see once you can't work even for a short time and with what I have gone through this summer being able to work is a GIFT.
My last mammogram was scary. I had convinced myself they had found a new cancerous spot. I was wrong. The radiologist said everything was fine. I have my new tattoo marks for the rays of radiation to target. The technological medical assistant has been doing this job for thirty years. When I commented that I bet technology had really changed during this time his response was "YES, but do you know what has changed more? When I first started this job more people died than survived. Now more survive then die." Well ladies and gentlemen that is a pretty important change that I can certainly appreciate.
Tomorrow the MUGA scan to check my heart. Keep me in your thoughts that my heart is as good as ever...
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
I am thrilled to be working on preparing for the coming school year. Yes, I said "THRILLED". You see once you can't work even for a short time and with what I have gone through this summer being able to work is a GIFT.
My last mammogram was scary. I had convinced myself they had found a new cancerous spot. I was wrong. The radiologist said everything was fine. I have my new tattoo marks for the rays of radiation to target. The technological medical assistant has been doing this job for thirty years. When I commented that I bet technology had really changed during this time his response was "YES, but do you know what has changed more? When I first started this job more people died than survived. Now more survive then die." Well ladies and gentlemen that is a pretty important change that I can certainly appreciate.
Tomorrow the MUGA scan to check my heart. Keep me in your thoughts that my heart is as good as ever...
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Friday, August 14, 2009
The Big Prize
Round Four finished. Each session takes a larger toll on my body and recovery takes longer. I am more tired and have less energy. Uncooked fruits and vegetables are almost impossible for my body to digest. I have not had the strength to mow the lawn the whole summer. Those of you who know me well, know that this is sad news. I am hoping by the time this round wears off I'll get in a few mows before the end of the mowing season. I took far fewer steroids this round (with my doctor's permission) and can see that while I hate the side effects of them, they really do curtail the nausea as I have since learned.
Next week I have the MUGA scan to check any damage to the heart. They will not administer my next round of chemo until they have the results from the scan. I will continue to have chemo therapy every three weeks until June 2010 pending there isn't any heart damage. Keep me in your prayers. I have not been brave enough to ask what happens if there is heart damage.
Paul and I attended the Formula Drift Races in Monroe last week which was dicey so close to my chemo session. I did have some issues, but all in all survived! Scion had a big raffle. Imagine how excited I was when my name was drawn...what did I win you ask? A used 18 inch tire with Ken Gushi's autograph. I tried to act pleased, but really what was I to do with a used tire? I gave it to a groupie who was most pleased. That night I told Paul I had won the Drifting Booby prize....
Make Pink Tough and Continue to Expect great Things
Next week I have the MUGA scan to check any damage to the heart. They will not administer my next round of chemo until they have the results from the scan. I will continue to have chemo therapy every three weeks until June 2010 pending there isn't any heart damage. Keep me in your prayers. I have not been brave enough to ask what happens if there is heart damage.
Paul and I attended the Formula Drift Races in Monroe last week which was dicey so close to my chemo session. I did have some issues, but all in all survived! Scion had a big raffle. Imagine how excited I was when my name was drawn...what did I win you ask? A used 18 inch tire with Ken Gushi's autograph. I tried to act pleased, but really what was I to do with a used tire? I gave it to a groupie who was most pleased. That night I told Paul I had won the Drifting Booby prize....
Make Pink Tough and Continue to Expect great Things
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Round Four
Round Four on Wednesday....another long session. If all is good this should be the last five hour session...the last of the steroids! YEAH!!!!!
Upon talking with a colleague I was asked, "What's been the best part of your summer?"
Mind you we have stayed very close to home for medical appointments and fear of infections and germs that my body is not strong enough to fight. Paul and I have gone on some day trips. Up to Mt. Rainier (where I was devoured by bugs...hope my chemo blood made them puke!), Alki Beach, Snoqualmie Falls (Both places which I'd never been). On some of these trips Paul has been into "looking cool" driving the Z....but when he kills the engine and panics because he's not looking cool and turns on the windshield wipers when there's not a spot of water to be had it makes me laugh so hard I cry. Those episodes will be remembered with joy. But the best place has been Spa Marston & Wezeman where we over imbibe on cool beverages on warm days bonding with our goldfish, watching Tucker trying to pet them and Pyewacket trying to catch butterflies.
The best part of summer is knowing I am loved, having lots of people sending me positive thoughts, and praying for me.
Make Pink Tough and Continue to Expect Great Things
Upon talking with a colleague I was asked, "What's been the best part of your summer?"
Mind you we have stayed very close to home for medical appointments and fear of infections and germs that my body is not strong enough to fight. Paul and I have gone on some day trips. Up to Mt. Rainier (where I was devoured by bugs...hope my chemo blood made them puke!), Alki Beach, Snoqualmie Falls (Both places which I'd never been). On some of these trips Paul has been into "looking cool" driving the Z....but when he kills the engine and panics because he's not looking cool and turns on the windshield wipers when there's not a spot of water to be had it makes me laugh so hard I cry. Those episodes will be remembered with joy. But the best place has been Spa Marston & Wezeman where we over imbibe on cool beverages on warm days bonding with our goldfish, watching Tucker trying to pet them and Pyewacket trying to catch butterflies.
The best part of summer is knowing I am loved, having lots of people sending me positive thoughts, and praying for me.
Make Pink Tough and Continue to Expect Great Things
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Updates......
Updates from last post.........and what have I learned?
I was apprehensive about the radiation. One would think with all this chemo that hopefully all dividing and cancerous cells are dead or on their way out. But apparently there may still be some strays in the breast. Without radiation there is a 60% chance of return...substantially less with the radiation..less than 10%. The radiologist is a nice young man(about 40). He has ordered another mammogram so there is a baseline, and they can see what things look like in "there" after the surgery. I also got to meet him with my clothes on. That should be a rule for all doctors! He gave me a breast exam which scared me. Four months after surgery does he expect to find new lumps? But you aren't quite as chatty when strangers are examining you with half your clothes removed.
Radiation generally goes for 5-7 weeks. When I told him I was a teacher and didn't want to be missing work the first week of school he was very accommodating and scheduled my "fitting" for mid-August. When I asked if he had kids, he said he had two ages 3 and 10. "What great ages!" I said. He replied, "Those damn doctors don't know what they're doing. We were only supposed to have one!" So he has a sense of humor which is an added bonus.
The results of this last chemo have stayed with me longer. I am more tired than I had been with the others and am still having trouble eating fresh fruit and vegetables. Yes, I continue to still eat more frequently and larger amounts. While I absolutely hate all the side effects (weight gain, hairlessness, feeling like crapola...my sister Connie reminded me that chemo is my friend. Something I had forgotten....and something for which I will always be thankful. My spirits are great - and that is important to my ever kind care giver who doesn't let me out of his sight. Paul has experienced sympathy eating with me and has also added a little poundage. Isn't that nice of him? A loving husband down to the core!
You are my wings and continue to lift me with your positive thoughts and messages of goodness.
Make Pink Tough and Continue to Expect Great Things
I was apprehensive about the radiation. One would think with all this chemo that hopefully all dividing and cancerous cells are dead or on their way out. But apparently there may still be some strays in the breast. Without radiation there is a 60% chance of return...substantially less with the radiation..less than 10%. The radiologist is a nice young man(about 40). He has ordered another mammogram so there is a baseline, and they can see what things look like in "there" after the surgery. I also got to meet him with my clothes on. That should be a rule for all doctors! He gave me a breast exam which scared me. Four months after surgery does he expect to find new lumps? But you aren't quite as chatty when strangers are examining you with half your clothes removed.
Radiation generally goes for 5-7 weeks. When I told him I was a teacher and didn't want to be missing work the first week of school he was very accommodating and scheduled my "fitting" for mid-August. When I asked if he had kids, he said he had two ages 3 and 10. "What great ages!" I said. He replied, "Those damn doctors don't know what they're doing. We were only supposed to have one!" So he has a sense of humor which is an added bonus.
The results of this last chemo have stayed with me longer. I am more tired than I had been with the others and am still having trouble eating fresh fruit and vegetables. Yes, I continue to still eat more frequently and larger amounts. While I absolutely hate all the side effects (weight gain, hairlessness, feeling like crapola...my sister Connie reminded me that chemo is my friend. Something I had forgotten....and something for which I will always be thankful. My spirits are great - and that is important to my ever kind care giver who doesn't let me out of his sight. Paul has experienced sympathy eating with me and has also added a little poundage. Isn't that nice of him? A loving husband down to the core!
You are my wings and continue to lift me with your positive thoughts and messages of goodness.
Make Pink Tough and Continue to Expect Great Things
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Round 3 Ding Ding Ding
Like a boxing match Round 3 has been completed and I am still standing! While I would like to say joyful things like it was painless because we all have made Pink Tough, I would be fibbing. On Thursday I was so sick I thought death might be preferable. I am wobbly and our walking has shortened to going to the mailbox until I can rebuild my stamina. This infuriates Tucker!
Twenty pounds in forty days. That is what I have gained. The doctor attributes ten pounds from not smoking and ten pounds from the steroids. When I asked her if it would drop off when I finished the steroids she smiled and said I 'd have to work like a dog to get it off. Woof!
I learned that I will start radiation after Round 4 of chemo. Apparently the side effects from the following year of chemo aren't so bad, therefore I can start radiation. While this is good news as it means I won't be spending all next summer at the radiologist, it means that September and October are going to be difficult for me at work...and no I'm not going to sit on my newly enlarged buns at home so don't even ask!
Love this weather although it makes wig wearing extremely UNCOMFORTABLE. My sunglasses that I had on top of my head actually had condensation appear on them from the steam rising off my scalp! I have a full 3/16ths of hair on my head...where there is hair. It is fairly sparse. I still have some eyelashes and some eyebrows. While doing my hair takes less time-make up takes much longer! And for all of you that thought I wouldn't have to shave my legs- WRONG! There are still some poking up there too!
In honor of Walter Cronkite (for those of us old enough to know of him). That's the way it is. EXPECT GREAT THINGS!
Twenty pounds in forty days. That is what I have gained. The doctor attributes ten pounds from not smoking and ten pounds from the steroids. When I asked her if it would drop off when I finished the steroids she smiled and said I 'd have to work like a dog to get it off. Woof!
I learned that I will start radiation after Round 4 of chemo. Apparently the side effects from the following year of chemo aren't so bad, therefore I can start radiation. While this is good news as it means I won't be spending all next summer at the radiologist, it means that September and October are going to be difficult for me at work...and no I'm not going to sit on my newly enlarged buns at home so don't even ask!
Love this weather although it makes wig wearing extremely UNCOMFORTABLE. My sunglasses that I had on top of my head actually had condensation appear on them from the steam rising off my scalp! I have a full 3/16ths of hair on my head...where there is hair. It is fairly sparse. I still have some eyelashes and some eyebrows. While doing my hair takes less time-make up takes much longer! And for all of you that thought I wouldn't have to shave my legs- WRONG! There are still some poking up there too!
In honor of Walter Cronkite (for those of us old enough to know of him). That's the way it is. EXPECT GREAT THINGS!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Expect Great Things
Psychologically and physically I prepare for tomorrow's assault on cancer. I am telling myself it will be easier, and this time I will flood my body with water hoping to ease the side effects. I have started back on the steroids today in preparation. I will remember to remove my rings so I don't freak out when I swell up so much I can't get them off! It gives new meaning to "This little piggy went to......" All my fingers have turned into cute, plump little piggies!
For the last three days Paul, Tucker and I have walked our four miles. It feels so good. They (medical geniuses) really have this chemo timing down. Once I feel normal it's time to go back for more.
Shopping again brought me into contact with a stranger. You all know I like to yak! When I told her I had breast cancer she was shocked. "You look so good," she said. As she left she said "I hope everything will be okay."I replied, "Of course it will be. I expect nothing but great things." She smiled and said, "Yes, I can see that."
That story of course brings me to YOU. I can not express how the constant cards and messages of support lift my spirits. I honestly feel that I am not fighting this alone, and I do expect great things. I will settle for nothing less. You are all with me more than 100%. How does one express what that means? I thank god every day for each and every one of you. You will be with me tomorrow.
For the last three days Paul, Tucker and I have walked our four miles. It feels so good. They (medical geniuses) really have this chemo timing down. Once I feel normal it's time to go back for more.
Shopping again brought me into contact with a stranger. You all know I like to yak! When I told her I had breast cancer she was shocked. "You look so good," she said. As she left she said "I hope everything will be okay."I replied, "Of course it will be. I expect nothing but great things." She smiled and said, "Yes, I can see that."
That story of course brings me to YOU. I can not express how the constant cards and messages of support lift my spirits. I honestly feel that I am not fighting this alone, and I do expect great things. I will settle for nothing less. You are all with me more than 100%. How does one express what that means? I thank god every day for each and every one of you. You will be with me tomorrow.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Life is Good
Happy days! Am feeling great. My sense of humor has returned, and I've cooked some tasty dinners for Paul the last couple of nights. It's nice to get back into the kitchen for cooking instead of just eating. I continue to pack on the pounds, however. If my stomach is empty I feel sick. If it's full I feel fine. Therefore I keep it loaded. We also haven't been doing our walking as my energy level is low. Really weight gain should be a small issue at this point, but you know........
Both pets love my bald head..they try to lick it at night (or wait-could that be Paul?)! I ventured out of the house bald yesterday to bring in our trash cans. This was my first trip outside of the house without a covering. A friend was just entering the driveway, thought I looked pretty good and asked to feel my fuzzy head!
Have heard from some of you that you are worried about my picture with Brian giving me my mohawk. No that is not a cigarette! It is my straw that I pretend to smoke during happy hour or stressful times! Still smoke free and loving it! Don't doubt the strength of someone who fights like a girl!
Heard from Margot today. She was in Dublin walking in gardens. Thought she'd phone me next from Monet's Garden. She's had someone mailing cards for her locally as Paul or I receive one every single day. Sure must have taken her a long time to prep those!
Next chemo session is Tuesday, July 14th.
Expect Great Things!
Both pets love my bald head..they try to lick it at night (or wait-could that be Paul?)! I ventured out of the house bald yesterday to bring in our trash cans. This was my first trip outside of the house without a covering. A friend was just entering the driveway, thought I looked pretty good and asked to feel my fuzzy head!
Have heard from some of you that you are worried about my picture with Brian giving me my mohawk. No that is not a cigarette! It is my straw that I pretend to smoke during happy hour or stressful times! Still smoke free and loving it! Don't doubt the strength of someone who fights like a girl!
Heard from Margot today. She was in Dublin walking in gardens. Thought she'd phone me next from Monet's Garden. She's had someone mailing cards for her locally as Paul or I receive one every single day. Sure must have taken her a long time to prep those!
Next chemo session is Tuesday, July 14th.
Expect Great Things!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Fight Like a Girl
I emerge from the "wipe-out" of chemo session number two. It is a surprise to me that it takes a couple of days for the full effect to "hit". I have cried a lot as my hair is gone, my face is red and swollen from the steroids, and I feel like.......well let's just say I've felt better! I haven't had contact with anyone but Paul this week while dealing with the side effects. Lately for entertainment I play the "Unfortunately, Fortunately" game. It goes like this. Unfortunately I have breast cancer, fortunately survival rate is high. Unfortunately the chemo is difficult, fortunately I have health insurance. Play this game with things in your life and I guarantee you can find a "fortunately" for every "unfortunately".
I was given a sweatshirt yesterday. It says "Fight Like a Girl". It made me laugh. The image that came to mind was a hair pulling, fingernail scratching brawl. Then I realized I have a huge advantage fighting like a girl. I have no hair to be pulled....and my nails are long!!!! So I will stand taller and fight harder. Remember Jim Croce? Instead of "Leroy Brown the baddest guy in the whole town, meaner than a junkyard dog"...we will insert Leah for Leroy, and I'll practice guttural growls!
Paul wants a shot of our shiny heads posted here, but I am not quite ready for that at this moment. Thank you for your prayers, love, encouragement, and comments. You are the very best.
I was given a sweatshirt yesterday. It says "Fight Like a Girl". It made me laugh. The image that came to mind was a hair pulling, fingernail scratching brawl. Then I realized I have a huge advantage fighting like a girl. I have no hair to be pulled....and my nails are long!!!! So I will stand taller and fight harder. Remember Jim Croce? Instead of "Leroy Brown the baddest guy in the whole town, meaner than a junkyard dog"...we will insert Leah for Leroy, and I'll practice guttural growls!
Paul wants a shot of our shiny heads posted here, but I am not quite ready for that at this moment. Thank you for your prayers, love, encouragement, and comments. You are the very best.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Angels
Chemo session number two finished today. Four really heavy duty sessions with three drugs, then just one drug for a year. I am half way finished with the very nasty!!! YEAH ME!!!! My mohawk fell out in 2 days. Immune system, white blood cells all seriously impacted in these four sessions. The heart at risk of damage for a full year from the third drug that I will have for a year. They will continue to have my heart scanned (MUGA Scan) every three months to monitor its condition. I have gained 8 pounds in three weeks. This is because of the anti nausea steroids I take. So the pants I'd pulled out of my closet that fit from my cancer news weight loss...back into the closet! The ladies who administer and monitor my chemo are angels! I'll yack about them to anybody who cares to listen. More Angels...Mike and Mary Hoag who delivered a meal fit for royalty! The cards and thoughtfulness from my coworkers continue to inspire and cheer me on. Brianne for being a cheerleader with cancer survivor on her record! Diane who inspired me to get a mamogram. Kim who reads my blogs and comments! Lois and Bill, Nancy and Tim your prayers and caring. My son who has been a rock. Paul who has endured and won't leave me for a second (and still loves me!). You all have given me so much strength and courage. I continue to learn. I sound good, I look good but it takes huge amounts of energy to portray this picture..no more trips to the emergency room. Time for me to rest and cut down on contacts. I refuse to be sappy but have to monitor my gusto! This will be a challenge..but with Team Marston behind me...this too will be accomplished! Last on my list of celebrations....21 days smoke free!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
After school I headed to the store to pick up some goodies to have around the house. An older woman admired the flowers in my basket. We started chatting. Turned out she has finished chemo not too long ago for lymphoma. Said she didn't gain weight, lose weight or get sick...and "look how thick my hair is!" We both agreed the hair loss is really not that big of deal in the big scheme of things. She was a gift for me to talk with. I knew it was only when, not if I'd lose my hair. Tuesday I started "shedding". Wednesday the clumps began to fall. I called Brian and asked him to give his mother a mohawk! Opportunity for a little fun with this has presented itself! For someone who had short hair to begin with I was amazed at how much was on the ground after the big shave. It looks pretty good. If his chemistry degree doesn't land him a job he can stand outside the oncology department and give mohawks!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
No Happy Hour Saturday!
I worked all week last week and enjoyed myself. Worked like a dog to get my report cards done and printed. I was feeling a little (lot) tired by the time Friday rolled around. Figured it was allergies. Saturday brought a sappy me with aches, a sore throat , and fever. I have since learned that this is cause for alarm with chemo. Paul called the consulting nurse and we were told to show up at St. Joe's Emergency. Oh my goodness...where do you absolutely not want to be late on a Saturday night? The sounds.......! Learning curve is high.."Code Yellow" means trauma coming to Emergency. "Code Blue" means stopped heart. I guess we don't watch enough television! They took lots of blood to check for a multitude of things. Found nothing much in all that so pumped me full of IV antibiotics..figure that out. But it did reduce my fever so I got to go home!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday was my first day back at work, and it felt delightful. I love my kids and they love me! Many people were worried about me getting too tired, but it was a great energizing day. Coming out of the chemo fog and realizing that there is so little school left was a tad frightening. My port was de-accessed yesterday. Great hopes that the lump on my chest would be reduced. It was! Now it just appears that I have something buried in there, but I think I will be able continue to wear v-neck and some low cut shirts! YEAH!!!!!(Really it is enough adjustment to be losing all my hair, to lose half my wardrobe at the same time is a bit overwhelming!) The bonus with the port(yes there is a bonus) Eat your hearts out!.....I am convinced that if I stepped in front of a gunman and said, "Go ahead shoot me here" (and he had good aim) the bullet would bounce off the titanium port and fly back to injure the gunman. Maybe I'll be a hero!
Life is good!
Make Pink Tough
Expect Great Things
Life is good!
Make Pink Tough
Expect Great Things
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Sunday, June 7th
Welcome to Team Marston!
My first chemo session was on Tuesday, June 2nd. It was four and a half hours of IV drip. Good thing we brought the lap top with us for entertainment. I felt a little woozy upon our return home. All in all I think my reaction has been okay. Minimal nausea and a healthy appetite. At this point I will be looking like the Pillsbury doughboy in a short time. Sleeping is difficult with the apparatus attached to the port. It is like sleeping on a Tonka truck! I had planned to return to work on Thursday the 4th but the nurse suggested I not as often side effects are delayed. That was great advice. Slept a lot on Thursday and Friday. Awoke on Saturday feeling like part of the human race. Paul, Tucker and I went on a short walk.
Bought a wig last week. Put a golden retriever head on the dough boy...it seems very hairy even though it is not long hair. Make Pink Tough and continue to Expect Great Things.
My first chemo session was on Tuesday, June 2nd. It was four and a half hours of IV drip. Good thing we brought the lap top with us for entertainment. I felt a little woozy upon our return home. All in all I think my reaction has been okay. Minimal nausea and a healthy appetite. At this point I will be looking like the Pillsbury doughboy in a short time. Sleeping is difficult with the apparatus attached to the port. It is like sleeping on a Tonka truck! I had planned to return to work on Thursday the 4th but the nurse suggested I not as often side effects are delayed. That was great advice. Slept a lot on Thursday and Friday. Awoke on Saturday feeling like part of the human race. Paul, Tucker and I went on a short walk.
Bought a wig last week. Put a golden retriever head on the dough boy...it seems very hairy even though it is not long hair. Make Pink Tough and continue to Expect Great Things.
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