How am I you ask? I won't know about my MUGA (heart) scan until Tuesday when I meet with the oncologist and have another dose of chemo. Three weeks goes awfully fast when you're not looking forward to something. I put up a good front, but I am tired and often feel ill. There are days when I wake up and feel great, like a "normal" human. Days that I use to take for granted. I mowed the front and back lawn last week. First time since the fall of 2008. It was a joyous event for me! Silly me...I was sure once I'd finished the worst of the chemo and radiation I'd be back to my ol' self. There are days I wish I didn't need to work, but I also know sitting home doing nothing won't make me feel any better. Might make me feel worse. Yikes!
Women don't need mammograms until they're fifty. All that radiation and fear may cause more damage. False positives make women endure things that they might not have had to. I am not fifty. My mammogram showed a spidery mass. The nurse didn't even wait till the biopsy was done to tell me I had breast cancer. She knew by the shape. There is not a history of breast cancer in my family. My last mammogram was billed at $863.00. Would I have payed out that amount if insurance didn't pay? I doubt it. It would never have occurred to me that I was at risk. This "team's" reasoning for waiting until fifty was that it saves only one life out of 1,904 women. That would be my life!
How am I you ask? I whine. I miss my hair and less porky body. I miss waking up and feeling good more days than not. I am glad I had a mammogram. I am angry about the "team's" recommendation and can only hope that insurance companies won't change covering mammograms before a woman is fifty.
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
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My dear friend,
ReplyDeleteNow your blog sounds like women who is battling breast cancer. :) I have thought to myself over and over since hearing of your diagnosis how I would react, handle all of this, the chemo, the radiation, the fear of the unknown. Not as well as you Leah. That I do know. Do you know you outwalked me today?
Do you know when I saw you get your kids today I thought to myself, wow Leah has sure lost weight and looks beautiful. I saw you yawn I thought to myself she must be so tired. You my beautiful friend need to be good to you. Take a day for yourself to do nothing.......or take a day to just go see a funny movie, or maybe just to sleep.....
When I heard the new report last night, I was angry. Greedy insurance companies.
Years ago when my father in law suffered a stroke, they admitted him to the ocology ward over the weekend to better administer meds. Monday morning came, chemo day for some folks. One a beautiful woman about my age at the time, 44. We started talking. She was being treated for ovarian cancer. She had had some tell tale signs that things were not right. Doctors kept telling her for over 2 years that she was just in perimenopause. A few weeks later I went in for my yearly pap etc and mentioned this woman. I asked why noone would have run tests on her. The doctor replied "is it worth testing 999 women out of 1000 to find one?" I was shocked at her reply.
I thought to myself of course it is,,,,that one might be me, my mother, my sisters or my friend....
My dear friend please know I care. And I want to help. And its ok to let help happen. We will talk.....You will run up Mt. Rainier after all of this.....
I love you....
Hi, girl! LOTS of food for thought in your most recent two or three posts...One, I hope that your MUGA scan went well or is it coming up on Tuesday? Two, you amaze me, inspire me...and make me laugh! How challenging these last months have been for you and for Paul and still you smile and tell jokes and keep on teaching and doing and living LARGE (hey, not a comment on your size!) I agree with Monica, you are BEAUTIFUL. (I love the picture of you holding Tucker, her head hanging out the window soaking up the wind and sunshine?! I thought of you, and your reaction to the news release this week about new recommendations for waiting till LATER for mammograms. Thank God that was not in place a year ago, you may have decided "Hey, I'm not a risk, the experts say I can wait..." And ugh, who would have thought that you might be bumping up against the lifetime? or is it "incident" maximum benefit. Hey, NO WORRIES, we would surely hold a big benefit in your honor to pay off ANY bills! And gee, do you think they could have erred on the larger chemo bill. Yikes those numbers are amazing and appalling. And oh how thankful and blessed I have felt to have insurance...and PT and massage benefits... and vision and dental. What a luxury and how often we take it all for granted. Well enough of this. I love reading your blogs and love working with such an inspirational human and exceptional teacher. YOU GO, GIRL!
ReplyDeleteI love you!
ReplyDeleteSo, I obviously feel that saving 1 out of 1904 women is worth the expense of a mammogram. Especially since YOU were one of them! I was talking with Steve and I used the following analogy: If a high school administrator was SURE that someone was armed on campus and threatening to shoot ONE student, would they do something about it? How would the parents of that student feel if they discovered that the administration did not do anything to prevent such an unfortunate incident, even if it meant checking lockers or running all students through a metal detector? It would be all over the news if nothing was done to prevent it! The recommendation is obviously dollar-driven and universal health care may result in rationing limited supplies. I hope nobody I know is ever a victim of such penny-pinching.
ReplyDeleteI know you feel pissed off, fat, grumpy and cheated at the same time that you feel hopeful, thankful and fortunate. Whatever you feel is okay. It is how you deal with the feelings that matters. Hang in there! Continue to celebrate each day and count your blessings: Paul, Brian, Tucker, your cozy “nest”, long walks, the hot tub, wine, cheese, chocolate and your future – yes, I believe you have a Mt. Rainier climb in your future! Surround yourself with positive cancer stories. I am very, very thankful to have you as a friend. Happy Thanksgiving.