Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Angels
Chemo session number two finished today. Four really heavy duty sessions with three drugs, then just one drug for a year. I am half way finished with the very nasty!!! YEAH ME!!!! My mohawk fell out in 2 days. Immune system, white blood cells all seriously impacted in these four sessions. The heart at risk of damage for a full year from the third drug that I will have for a year. They will continue to have my heart scanned (MUGA Scan) every three months to monitor its condition. I have gained 8 pounds in three weeks. This is because of the anti nausea steroids I take. So the pants I'd pulled out of my closet that fit from my cancer news weight loss...back into the closet! The ladies who administer and monitor my chemo are angels! I'll yack about them to anybody who cares to listen. More Angels...Mike and Mary Hoag who delivered a meal fit for royalty! The cards and thoughtfulness from my coworkers continue to inspire and cheer me on. Brianne for being a cheerleader with cancer survivor on her record! Diane who inspired me to get a mamogram. Kim who reads my blogs and comments! Lois and Bill, Nancy and Tim your prayers and caring. My son who has been a rock. Paul who has endured and won't leave me for a second (and still loves me!). You all have given me so much strength and courage. I continue to learn. I sound good, I look good but it takes huge amounts of energy to portray this picture..no more trips to the emergency room. Time for me to rest and cut down on contacts. I refuse to be sappy but have to monitor my gusto! This will be a challenge..but with Team Marston behind me...this too will be accomplished! Last on my list of celebrations....21 days smoke free!
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Yeah Leah! Twenty two days and doing well! Two chemo's down, two to go! I also appreciate the many angels who have given so much positive support. Leah's spirits have been lifted, given her strength, hope, and joy!
ReplyDeleteYou continue to inspire me, Leah. Your joy, sense of humor, laughter. I love your stories like Brian giving his mom the Mohawk and the woman who simply mentioned your flowers which led to the conversation of her journey. These stories will be like a warm shawl knit for you as you encounter the tough days. I loved joining you in your backyard. What a haven, what a place of refuge--a place to rest and regain strength. I can feel the warmth and peace when I enter your home and it is there when I step outside as well. You are kind to thank us so generously for the meal. Mike and I enjoyed crabcakes and Prosecco earlier in the week on a beautiful (nearly) summer evening and I thought of you and Paul and just had to share the yum. (I had written a lengthy, maybe too sappy post, but I wasn't logged in. When I went to log in I lost what I'd written. ARGGH. Oh, one other thing I wrote that I forgot to just add...Good work on the 22 days!!! Keep working that pink "pseudosig". Much healthier and cheaper. Think of the great benefits of red wine that you can share with Paul instead!!!And speaking of red wine, have you tried that H'tower merlot yet?! Don't fret about those pounds, you were looking too skinny the other evening anyway! Stay healthy and rested, my girl.
ReplyDeleteLOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
Leah,
ReplyDeleteEXPECT GREAT THINGS! I have you in my thoughts at all times! I will be visiting you before I go! I found something else you need to have and of course wear!!!! I am so glad round 2 is done! Paul is going to be promoted to "SAINT"hood!SaPPY Sap Sap....LOVE YOU! Margot :)
Hi Leah! Finally made it to your blog! Been thinking and praying for you, knowing you had your 2nd chemo.You sound like you are hanging in there. I am so glad to read about your "angels" supporting you. You know you were loved even before this happened, I hope! Funny we don't tell people that often enough. Hi to Paul. How blessed Leah is to have you and your loving support.My last work day is tomorrow (yippee!). Hope to visit you soon this summer when you are up to visitors. All my love and best wishes!
ReplyDeleteWe just returned from our cruise and your blog was my first Internet destination! I couldn't wait to hear how you are doing. I thought of you much and sent good thoughts your way-especially on Tuesday. It looks like you wrote the last update on Tuesday and I hope the rest of the week hasn't been too rough on you. Thank you for letting everyone know how you are doing - Good and Bad. You are my hero.
ReplyDeleteHi Leah,
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you, esp yesterday when I took a hike through the woods with my daughters dog and took in the sights, the sounds and the smells of the deep forest. In the midst was the largest most beautiful HUGE butterfly. One of life's surprises. I knew this week was your 2nd chemo week and I thought of you as I walked in the ZEN like place yesterday. Perhaps magically I was able to send you a little piece of that magical place. I guess the rumors of chemo are true huh? I am so sorry you have to take this path to good health. Paul not sure what would be worse, having the chemo or watching the chemo and feeling helpless. You 3 are in my daily thoughts and prayers. Last night when I came home late in the dark, there was a face off between my cat and a raccoon. I wasn't sure if I saw correctly, however those raccoon eyes....they are so spooky. I felt trapped in my car, that darn raccoon just didn't want to go away......Please know when you both feel a need to escape I will hand over the keys to my HC house. Its clean but I will bleach the heck out of it. And no cats there. Leah your strength not only during this whole process is amazing but to tackle it and quit smoking at the same time proves you are a rock and a woman of bravery and strength. Way to go Leah!
Love Monica
This chemo treatment has been very hard on Leah. It seems that everything you have ever heard about chemo is happening. It has been a time of extremes that have created tremendous stresses and challenges on her body, mind, and spirit. It has been a struggle to rise out of the despair and find a balance. In a matter of days Leah lost all her hair. This self-esteem battle was tempered first with a shorter haircut, then Brian gave her a Mohawk...helping to transition to the inevitable nothing. But the emotions are still there attacking with surges of lack of self-worth. She wants to be normal, do normal things but made the mistake of doing too much paying emotionally and physically. These are not normal times but she is learning to listen to her body and take it easy! Usually...!
ReplyDeleteLeah puts up a good front to people, but she is hurting. Part of this "normal" thing. She is exhausted, her bones hurt, stomach and intestines ache, and her despair at times is overwhelming. She wants to shut out the world and hide and heal in our home. So much has happened over a short period of time. It is not just the cancer. The stresses on her mind and body began a year ago with a mystery infection that would not heal. Daily and then weekly visits to the doctor and then specialist. And then the diagnosis of breast cance...Leah and I have not been on this pathway before and we are learning to find our way...
Yesterday, we went for a long ride in the Z. Riding with the top down, the rush of air takes Leah away into a dream world...and she smiles. It took a bit to get ready to go. Clothes would not fit, styles didn't quite work...she fell into a very dark hole of anxiety. It was a very hard time to look good and feel good enough to go out but she did it! I know that I am a bit biased, but she looked stunning! We had a great afternoon and stopped at uncrowded street fairs in Buckley and Enumclaw on our way into the mountains...She laughed, smiled, and even had a bite of my cheezy hotdog! Perfect strangers even commented how georgeous her hair was...her spirits soared!
Today is a new day. One day at a time. Small steps to find our way. Maybe, energy and spirits willing, we will take a field trip, a short one to Nordy's...
Awesome post, Paul. Although I can read between the lines in Leah's posts, this was honest, insightful, and caring. This blog is an essential emotional tool for those days when you shut yourself away and don't want to see anyone in person. It is a thread that keeps us connected. We support you two, ache for you two, love you two and are proud of you two. Take good care.
ReplyDeleteAnd just when you think you can't possibly handle anymore bad news or stress financially, along comes Paul and reminds us what is truly important in life. Love, good health and someone to be there to hold on to in good times and in hard times.
ReplyDeleteThis is a journey we are all taking with Leah albeit without the true physical and emotional parts of it.I wish I could make it go away as I know you both do. Unfortunately this hit you both on the side of the head with no game plan as to how to deal with it. Fortunately I have you both to remind me how important my life is in the simple joys of one day. I thank you for that. I hope the coming weeks relieve you Leah of the side effects and you can feel a bit more "normal"
and do that which makes you happy.
I love you. Monica
Leah you are my angel! I was soooo young when I went through my cancer journey that I don't have memories of those hard days - a blessing I suppose of childhoood cancer. But as I was at my eye doctor the other day getting my eye polished - yes, I get my eye polished, hilarious, huh? - I was looking at pictures they have of other patients from their office. The eye cancer I had is very rare and happens only in children. The kids I saw in the pictures had lost an eye at 2 years old, 2 1/2 years old - I was 5 months old when I lost mine. I stood there and realized what a miracle it is that I am alive today, having my cancer discovered in a routine check-up appointment by my pediatrician. I had multiple tumors in both eyes and the doctors were able to save one and here I sit 27 years old and I've been cancer free since. Like I've told you it is amazing what they were able to do for me then. I hope you take comfort in knowing that you are in better educated and more experienced hands. YOU ARE THE TOUGHEST!!! All of my love and lots of prayers to you and Paul both.
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