I feel good. I am on the mend after of a year of chemicals being poured throughout my body. I am on the mend. My sense of humor is coming back. I am no longer sleeping for hours upon hours. I can digest fresh fruit and vegetables. I am on the mend!
While on the mend I am scared and intimidated by stories. People die of breast cancer every day. It creeps into their system unknown to the body owner. Guess that's why it's called cancer. It is sneaky and wicked in its ways. Elizabeth Edwards losing the fight. I know she has great doctors and insurance - yet she is losing the battle.
A cure must be found.
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Monday, December 6, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
One Step Closer
Today brings me one step closer to the finish line. Excitement(YEAH!) and apprehension(What if something goes wrong?) have invaded my mind as I approach the finish line. I imagine my fear is fairly common among those of us that have walked in these shoes.
I continue to be asked about my prognosis. After I had surgery and one microscopic cancer cell was discovered in my lymph nodes a course of action was presented to me.
1. A highly toxic dose of chemicals that make your hair fall out, beat up your immune system and make you feel like crap would be administered four times in three week intervals.
2. A continuation of one chemical for a full year (that's the Herceptin that has a high risk of destroying the heart and causing heart damage through heart attacks).
3. Thirty-three days of burning radiation.
4. Hormone therapy for five years. (Before insurance coverage each pill is $10.00.)
Each action reduces the chance of re-occurrence by a fairly small percentage. If I recall correctly, the percentage reduced by radiation was about 7%. All these steps combined reduce my chance of re-occurrence to about 25%.
Is there a magical blood test that they can give me to see if breast cancer cells are floating through my body? Darn...not yet! Why bother with mammograms if that were the case?
Am I cured? In my mind, you bet! In the medical profession? No, I am in remission. I am not cured until I have been cancer free for five years.
Each one of you that has shared your prayers with me, held my hand, shouldered a tear, cheered me on from the depths of despair, sent those cards to make me laugh, and rallied for this finish I thank you. My words are so little for your actions that have been so BIG. You truly have made PINK TOUGH.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
I continue to be asked about my prognosis. After I had surgery and one microscopic cancer cell was discovered in my lymph nodes a course of action was presented to me.
1. A highly toxic dose of chemicals that make your hair fall out, beat up your immune system and make you feel like crap would be administered four times in three week intervals.
2. A continuation of one chemical for a full year (that's the Herceptin that has a high risk of destroying the heart and causing heart damage through heart attacks).
3. Thirty-three days of burning radiation.
4. Hormone therapy for five years. (Before insurance coverage each pill is $10.00.)
Each action reduces the chance of re-occurrence by a fairly small percentage. If I recall correctly, the percentage reduced by radiation was about 7%. All these steps combined reduce my chance of re-occurrence to about 25%.
Is there a magical blood test that they can give me to see if breast cancer cells are floating through my body? Darn...not yet! Why bother with mammograms if that were the case?
Am I cured? In my mind, you bet! In the medical profession? No, I am in remission. I am not cured until I have been cancer free for five years.
Each one of you that has shared your prayers with me, held my hand, shouldered a tear, cheered me on from the depths of despair, sent those cards to make me laugh, and rallied for this finish I thank you. My words are so little for your actions that have been so BIG. You truly have made PINK TOUGH.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The Countdown
Today brought another does of Herceptin and a visit to my oncologist. Her first words after "Hello," were "You look great!" I responded with, "Of course I do. All the weight I've gained has made my wrinkles disappear!" I had questions for her. Has my treatment had any impact on my low functioning thyroid? (None) When will my last Herceptin infusion be? (May) Should I start taking baby aspirin to prevent a reoccurence of breast cancer as reported by the American Medical Association? According to her, baby aspirin helps prevent colon, prostate, breast, and many other cancers. When I asked her if she takes it, she was quite taken aback and said, "Of course not. I don't take any pills." Hmmmm...isn't that interesting!
I've learned a lot of things I'd really rather not have learned through this journey. First, I've learned medical jargon. Would I have ever thought that the words port, Herceptin, and infusion therapy would become regular words in my vocabulary? Unfortunately I've also learned how the chemist mixes my Herceptin when I show up (it is considered a toxic material). Between the jargon and chemistry of it all I've found that the chemo nurses are overworked and grouchy after three day weekends. There are twice as many people there making up for the missed day. None of us want our treatment slowed down by holidays!
What things should I have known before unvoluntarily signing on for this journey? Imagine my surprise learning that at my age I was not invincible! We go to doctors for preventative medicine and to hear the words, "Everything's fine". Next learning...take nothing for granted. There are people I knew would care and people I knew who wouldn't care. I thought the medical community would guide and support me in this journey. What else have I learned? Be the person who cares most about you. You are your advocate. So many little things. What is the greatest learning I have discovered so far? I have more strength in me than I ever imagined. I am the sum of my parts. My mother, my husband, my family, my colleagues. You have given me the power. The countdown is on.............
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
I've learned a lot of things I'd really rather not have learned through this journey. First, I've learned medical jargon. Would I have ever thought that the words port, Herceptin, and infusion therapy would become regular words in my vocabulary? Unfortunately I've also learned how the chemist mixes my Herceptin when I show up (it is considered a toxic material). Between the jargon and chemistry of it all I've found that the chemo nurses are overworked and grouchy after three day weekends. There are twice as many people there making up for the missed day. None of us want our treatment slowed down by holidays!
What things should I have known before unvoluntarily signing on for this journey? Imagine my surprise learning that at my age I was not invincible! We go to doctors for preventative medicine and to hear the words, "Everything's fine". Next learning...take nothing for granted. There are people I knew would care and people I knew who wouldn't care. I thought the medical community would guide and support me in this journey. What else have I learned? Be the person who cares most about you. You are your advocate. So many little things. What is the greatest learning I have discovered so far? I have more strength in me than I ever imagined. I am the sum of my parts. My mother, my husband, my family, my colleagues. You have given me the power. The countdown is on.............
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
"F" Words
Did you know that breast cancer isn't limited to breasts? Did you know that there are different types of breast cancer? Even while being treated for breast cancer you can get another form of breast cancer?
Through out my treatment I have made pink tough and have expected great things. On Monday, February first I was derailed. What should I discover that morning? The lump. I had Paul check "the lump". Confirmation was made. E-mailed my general physician who got me in that day. Confirmation of "the lump," and a referral for a mammogram transpired. A week after my lump was discovered I had a mammogram and ultrasound. A full week of letting FEAR terrorize my every moment. My "toughness" disintegrated.
Results were vague. They couldn't locate anything "bad" on the mammogram. "The lump" is really more arm pit than breast. The ultrasound showed a "fatty" lymph node, but they were having trouble seeing behind scar tissue. Today I met with the oncologist. She felt good about the mammogram and ultrasound pictures. Some pushing, poking, groping and she smiled. "FAT," she said.
Today FAT is a joyous word to be celebrated.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Through out my treatment I have made pink tough and have expected great things. On Monday, February first I was derailed. What should I discover that morning? The lump. I had Paul check "the lump". Confirmation was made. E-mailed my general physician who got me in that day. Confirmation of "the lump," and a referral for a mammogram transpired. A week after my lump was discovered I had a mammogram and ultrasound. A full week of letting FEAR terrorize my every moment. My "toughness" disintegrated.
Results were vague. They couldn't locate anything "bad" on the mammogram. "The lump" is really more arm pit than breast. The ultrasound showed a "fatty" lymph node, but they were having trouble seeing behind scar tissue. Today I met with the oncologist. She felt good about the mammogram and ultrasound pictures. Some pushing, poking, groping and she smiled. "FAT," she said.
Today FAT is a joyous word to be celebrated.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Saturday, January 9, 2010
A Fallen Comrade
With my wig, fighting spirit, and sense of humor I have been able to "disguise" my illness. When we went to Hawaii I did not wear my wig. Outside of my small world how would people react to such short hair? I had a few comments, "Love the short hair". Based on this, I made the decision to stop wearing my wig. I was fearful of the reactions I might receive. One person who told me I didn't appear sick in September has totally avoided me. My not wearing the wig is a visual reminder to those who know me that I am still fighting. The most poignant reaction was from one of my more difficult students. She took one look at me Monday morning and said, "Mrs. Marston, you are beauuutiful." The sincerity behind these words astonished me.
It follows no rules. Here today, gone tomorrow, back again? No one knows. I do wish people would stop asking about my chance at life. This disease doesn't care if you are young or old, have young children or grown children, fight or not fight. It doesn't fight fairly and claimed another life - unfairly yesterday. She was a young mother, and she fought with everything she had. I did not know this woman. But we were comrades in the same war, fighting the same battle.
One small battle won, one huge battle lost...an unending war.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
It follows no rules. Here today, gone tomorrow, back again? No one knows. I do wish people would stop asking about my chance at life. This disease doesn't care if you are young or old, have young children or grown children, fight or not fight. It doesn't fight fairly and claimed another life - unfairly yesterday. She was a young mother, and she fought with everything she had. I did not know this woman. But we were comrades in the same war, fighting the same battle.
One small battle won, one huge battle lost...an unending war.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, December 3, 2009
My Best Friend
Life is good. The love of my life is my best friend. When I am not so well he cares for me. He has taken over a lot of the cooking through my umpteenth cold.) Actually, even when I'm well...my friend cares for me!
I will start taking this new hormone drug when my cold subsides. An attached list of side effects is a bit daunting. Weighing the risks. Which would you prefer? Another bout of breast cancer or a stroke? I tried to explain to the oncologist that I don't want to go through this program again. I still worry about the damaged heart with the herceptin. The list of potential side effects for any medication is daunting. So I'm going to Las Vegas in my mind(Wheel of Fortune). I'm gambling that this hormone will keep me cancer free, and I will not have a stroke.
Life is good. My friend is my living guardian angel. My friends, family, and coworkers continue to check in on my well being and that caring keeps "Pink Tough."
Do you think about how loved you are? Probably not. But start. Each of us is so important to so many and I believe we forget that in the haste of living.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
I will start taking this new hormone drug when my cold subsides. An attached list of side effects is a bit daunting. Weighing the risks. Which would you prefer? Another bout of breast cancer or a stroke? I tried to explain to the oncologist that I don't want to go through this program again. I still worry about the damaged heart with the herceptin. The list of potential side effects for any medication is daunting. So I'm going to Las Vegas in my mind(Wheel of Fortune). I'm gambling that this hormone will keep me cancer free, and I will not have a stroke.
Life is good. My friend is my living guardian angel. My friends, family, and coworkers continue to check in on my well being and that caring keeps "Pink Tough."
Do you think about how loved you are? Probably not. But start. Each of us is so important to so many and I believe we forget that in the haste of living.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Giving Thanks
My heart is good. The herceptin drip can continue to eliminate any stray cancer cells. YEAH! I can have my port removed next June after my herceptin treatments are finished. YEAH! This means I can start wearing 45 pound backpacks to start training for the "big" climb in summer of 2011. Hip, Hip, Hooray!
On a more humorous note, when I said I had experienced rage and wanted to hurl my shoe against the wall, she chalked it up to "menopause." She said my exhaustion is probably a side effect of radiation. She suggested I wait until I feel better before taking the hormone pill I am to take for the next five years. More humor... a side effect of this pill is hot flashes. I might as well carry around an air conditioner.
Happy Thanksgiving! As I wade through this disease I give thanks every day for so many things. Some things I took for granted, but not too many. I know how lucky I am to be surrounded by such incredible people (I LOVE YOU), a job that pays more than $7.50 an hour, a roof over my head, and health insurance (as ridiculously expensive as it is). Sometimes we focus on what we don't have, and fail to appreciate what we do have.
We have so much to give thanks for every day.
There are no guarantees. We give thanks for what we have TODAY.
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things.
On a more humorous note, when I said I had experienced rage and wanted to hurl my shoe against the wall, she chalked it up to "menopause." She said my exhaustion is probably a side effect of radiation. She suggested I wait until I feel better before taking the hormone pill I am to take for the next five years. More humor... a side effect of this pill is hot flashes. I might as well carry around an air conditioner.
Happy Thanksgiving! As I wade through this disease I give thanks every day for so many things. Some things I took for granted, but not too many. I know how lucky I am to be surrounded by such incredible people (I LOVE YOU), a job that pays more than $7.50 an hour, a roof over my head, and health insurance (as ridiculously expensive as it is). Sometimes we focus on what we don't have, and fail to appreciate what we do have.
We have so much to give thanks for every day.
There are no guarantees. We give thanks for what we have TODAY.
Keep Pink Tough and Expect Great Things.
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