YEAH ME!!! Monday I will be two-thirds finished with radiation. I have learned that the last five days will target the incision areas. The last two days they have drawn all over my breast with permanent marker so they will know where to have the machine target. I get nervous as every couple days it seems like I have different technicians administering my radiation. Some are precise about my placement under the machine...others don't care. Some are precise about the 9.5 centimeters across my chest...others don't care. Well I'm still alive and am starting to form some heavily sunburned areas so they must be doing something right!
I am getting to know all these people and they are getting to know me. I like that. I am the last patient of the day. I like to think this is a good thing. Done with me...done for the day. They know Paul and Tucker because when they walk out at the end of their day they see Paul and Tucker observing the people exiting the building, and they see Tucker's butt wiggling with joy. (Yes, they beat me out of the building after radiation.) I don't want to be just another breast cancer patient. Remember me for my spirit and good cheer. I want them to CARE! When I said that every day was a good day when you wake up in the morning they kind of stared at me.....HELLLLLOOOOO...life is good when you wake up. They both said they hadn't thought of that.
When you wake up it is a good day. Don't ever forget that!
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Drive Through Service
Today was a chemotherapy day in Tacoma at 11:00. Then back to Tacoma for radiation for my 5:15 appointment. Honestly...these treatments are minimal in side effects compared to the summer's toxic chemicals. One chemical instead of three. Not a cake walk by any means, but nothing like the summer's ordeal.
Generally I am holding up well working. I miss our walking which we really haven't done consistently since I was diagnosed in April. We aren't doing it now because of the radiation schedule, and I am feeling as worn as a favorite pair of jeans by the end of the day. When we get home from radiation that is when I let the "tired" consume me. The last two weekends I have slept in until 7:30. Unheard of in this house. Our weekends (once I get out of bed) have been busy making up for "lost" time in the summer. We've done some short hikes with Tucker and relished in the beauty of the scenery and fragrance of the alpine wilderness.
Yesterday in radiation the woman I spoke of last week was there. I handed her a bag of polished rocks and told her to choose one that felt good in her hand and to carry it with her at all times. I learned that she has lung cancer that has also formed a spot on her brain. They are radiating the lung daily and the brain intermittently. Scary? You bet. She chose a rock and then was called to go in. She took her rock with her. When she came out she said the machine ate her rock. She told the technicians she wasn't leaving without her rock (I am making her stronger already!). They had to move the machine to retrieve it. As she left she put her hand on my shoulder and thanked me. She was going to her first chemo today. Through two short sessions of talking with her, she is beginning to see hope.
You see, we have learned, to the medical community a patient is just another patient. Another patient that needs chemotherapy and radiation. They see it everyday. It is not new to them. It is terrifying, and they seem to have forgotten or have never known that. The literature given to me described severe potential side effects that could occur immediately. I expected someone would call to check on me after my first treatment. No one did. No one talks to you. No details. No sequence of events. No one tells you what to do to minimize effects. Patients need knowledge and a doctor that can take the time to know and speak to patients, in addition to medical treatment. Our medical system has become a very expensive drive through service...a $3.00 Starbucks or a $6,000 chemical martini.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Generally I am holding up well working. I miss our walking which we really haven't done consistently since I was diagnosed in April. We aren't doing it now because of the radiation schedule, and I am feeling as worn as a favorite pair of jeans by the end of the day. When we get home from radiation that is when I let the "tired" consume me. The last two weekends I have slept in until 7:30. Unheard of in this house. Our weekends (once I get out of bed) have been busy making up for "lost" time in the summer. We've done some short hikes with Tucker and relished in the beauty of the scenery and fragrance of the alpine wilderness.
Yesterday in radiation the woman I spoke of last week was there. I handed her a bag of polished rocks and told her to choose one that felt good in her hand and to carry it with her at all times. I learned that she has lung cancer that has also formed a spot on her brain. They are radiating the lung daily and the brain intermittently. Scary? You bet. She chose a rock and then was called to go in. She took her rock with her. When she came out she said the machine ate her rock. She told the technicians she wasn't leaving without her rock (I am making her stronger already!). They had to move the machine to retrieve it. As she left she put her hand on my shoulder and thanked me. She was going to her first chemo today. Through two short sessions of talking with her, she is beginning to see hope.
You see, we have learned, to the medical community a patient is just another patient. Another patient that needs chemotherapy and radiation. They see it everyday. It is not new to them. It is terrifying, and they seem to have forgotten or have never known that. The literature given to me described severe potential side effects that could occur immediately. I expected someone would call to check on me after my first treatment. No one did. No one talks to you. No details. No sequence of events. No one tells you what to do to minimize effects. Patients need knowledge and a doctor that can take the time to know and speak to patients, in addition to medical treatment. Our medical system has become a very expensive drive through service...a $3.00 Starbucks or a $6,000 chemical martini.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Pay It Forward
Tomorrow I will be one third of the way finished with radiation. (YEAH ME) Yes, we will celebrate that by going out to dinner after my session. I am eating vegetables and low calorie foods in an attempt to start shedding my newly gained pounds. My hair is growing...slowly. My eyelashes are thin, as well as my eyebrows. Do I care? Yes, but it is minimal. As Monica has pointed out (thank you) I am me, hair or no hair, fat or thin. I am me!
When I have been at radiation, I have been the only female. I hear the men gabbing in the men's room next door and have been thankful I have no company. Well that has changed in the last two days. Because the machine broke down yesterday the schedule was totally behind...and we're late again but in a different way. A woman who normally gets her treatment at 7:30 a.m. was there. A tad older than myself, she had no issues with chemo therapy, although her new crop of hair was coming in white. She gave me great tips about how to minimize breast burn. Another woman in the room was sobbing. We both let her be. The sobbing woman was there again today. She asked how long I'd been coming. She was three days in, and her total amount of days will be sixteen. When I told her I was in for thirty three she gasped. She was scheduled for chemo therapy but "melted" down and wouldn't have it done. I asked her, "Who do you have supporting you?" She said her boyfriend is an asshole, her daughter has five kids, and her son lives in California.
She has nobody. She looked at me and said, "You are strong."
Why am I strong? You...You...and You....
This is my time to pay it forward.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
When I have been at radiation, I have been the only female. I hear the men gabbing in the men's room next door and have been thankful I have no company. Well that has changed in the last two days. Because the machine broke down yesterday the schedule was totally behind...and we're late again but in a different way. A woman who normally gets her treatment at 7:30 a.m. was there. A tad older than myself, she had no issues with chemo therapy, although her new crop of hair was coming in white. She gave me great tips about how to minimize breast burn. Another woman in the room was sobbing. We both let her be. The sobbing woman was there again today. She asked how long I'd been coming. She was three days in, and her total amount of days will be sixteen. When I told her I was in for thirty three she gasped. She was scheduled for chemo therapy but "melted" down and wouldn't have it done. I asked her, "Who do you have supporting you?" She said her boyfriend is an asshole, her daughter has five kids, and her son lives in California.
She has nobody. She looked at me and said, "You are strong."
Why am I strong? You...You...and You....
This is my time to pay it forward.
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Radiation
Another new experience....radiation. I have it Monday through Friday for 33 days. I have finished five days as of today. It takes more time to drive over and back again than the actual act of being radiated. Unfortunately, on many days they are behind schedule so that makes the hour and fifteen minute experience often turn into a two hour experience. It makes for long days, but I am not complaining. They have more patients than ever. Today I asked, "Is it because the medical profession is identifying more cancer or is the human race just more sick than it's ever been?" He laughed and didn't answer. Hmmmm ....
Want to know what it's like? I am horizontal on a steel bed that moves length wise, and up and down, with a special pillow made just for me, in a very dark room. The room is right out of a science fiction movie. A huge machine zooms in above my face. (Yesterday was the first day I kept my eyes open. I'm afraid it is going to smash into my face.) The technicians measure things...move me around (down to a centimeter) and leave the room. Zaaaap! The machine moves to my side, someone comes back in and changes something in the machine. Zaap! Someone comes in again, changes something, and then I get my final Zaaap! I'm done for that session! I started with 33 beads on a chain. After each session I remove a bead. I want a count down to having this "part" finished. Paul always drives, and now that we are back to work we take Tucker with us. Paul walks her while I'm being treated.
First day back to work with kids today. I was very worried about my endurance. I did great! The worst was my feet in medium high heels- they were killing me by lunch time! I truly am trying to "Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things," but the heels are going to have to go!
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
Want to know what it's like? I am horizontal on a steel bed that moves length wise, and up and down, with a special pillow made just for me, in a very dark room. The room is right out of a science fiction movie. A huge machine zooms in above my face. (Yesterday was the first day I kept my eyes open. I'm afraid it is going to smash into my face.) The technicians measure things...move me around (down to a centimeter) and leave the room. Zaaaap! The machine moves to my side, someone comes back in and changes something in the machine. Zaap! Someone comes in again, changes something, and then I get my final Zaaap! I'm done for that session! I started with 33 beads on a chain. After each session I remove a bead. I want a count down to having this "part" finished. Paul always drives, and now that we are back to work we take Tucker with us. Paul walks her while I'm being treated.
First day back to work with kids today. I was very worried about my endurance. I did great! The worst was my feet in medium high heels- they were killing me by lunch time! I truly am trying to "Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things," but the heels are going to have to go!
Make Pink Tough and Expect Great Things
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